Cinema Alliance Movie Reviews

When I first heard of this film I got instantly excited due to the lineup. Now, I am 41 and watched a lot of action films during the 80’s and 90’s. I typically do not go into an action film thinking that I’m going to watch Citizen Kane. I know better. And I know that an action film is there for entertainment, pure and simple. So, while I have a wide variety of tastes as a film fan and a variety of styles as a filmmaker, I can certainly sit back with a big heaping mug of suspension-of-disbelief and just enjoy the escape.

Back to the lineup…

Ok, wow. There’s never been an assembly of big screen action dudes like this, ever. And boy is this fun! Sylvester Stallone co-wrote and directed The Expendables and did an excellent job (he’s been back to kicking ass since the most recent holy-shit-this-is-gory Rambo installment). The story opens with a group of Somalian pirates that have taken some hostages and are looking for their ransom. Stallone and his crew show up to “negotiate” and end up taking out the baddies and saving the innocents. Good stuff. From there we get to know the boys a bit more through some back story mixed in with current events. Something that’s interesting here is that Stallone is always conscious of his age and while he’s had some work done on his famous mug here and there, he plays the role at his age. This isn’t a bunch of has-beens trying to relive their action hero glory days. It’s about a group of aging mercenaries who are getting up there and while they’re still damn sharp and in great shape, they’re also getting older.

Dolph Lundgren’s character is a good example here as he seems to be the burn out recovering from an addiction to something (I don’t think we ever heard what specifically) who occasionally attacks Jet Li’s character (even though they’re on the same side most of the time). You also have Tool, the wise sage of the group played by Mickey Rourke who has retired from killing but still acts as Stallone’s philosophical advice giver and even has a pretty deep monologue about regret at one point. Then there’s Stallone’s Barney Ross character who goes toe-to-toe with Stone Cold Steve Austin and doesn’t fair as well as he might have in the past and seems painfully aware of that.

The story continues in a pretty typical way and while it’s not a new story, it sure is fun just to sit back and watch it play out even though you know where it’s going. No real surprises script-wise.

The action is what you’re here for and there’s plenty of it, from the opening scene on in fact. There’s plenty of gun fights, hand to hand, knives and explosions, LLLOOTTTTSSS of explosions. The hand to hand is much fun to see play out given the expertise of Li, Jason Statham as well as UFC fighter Randy Couture who also gets to take on Steve Austin. My only complaint with some of the action is there are times that it’s hard to see what’s going on thanks to this latest camera style of everything shaky and kinetic. As a director, it drives me nuts to see this over-used which is happening in more and more films. The kinetic style is cool but it’s super-trendy and takes away from actually getting to see what’s happening.

As far as star power, well that’s what gave this project the headlines it got in the first place. Besides Stallone, Li, Lundgren, Couture, Austin, Statham and Rourke, Bruce Willis shows up in here as does the governator himself – Arnold Schwarzenegger. Terry Crews (the dad from Everybody Hates Chris) rounds out Stallone’s team of mercs.

To the critic who said these guys were washed up: bite me. The Expendables shows what makes these guys fun to watch in the first place. For a mega-explosion of massive manliess, check out The Expendables! (I love the quotes for actions movie reviews too)

Side note – there were some great trailers that lead off the movie experience. Robert Rodriquez’s Machete is going to be freakin’ AMAZING.

reviewed by Sean McKnight

OK, I am not going to warn you again, take your heart medicine and hold on tight because this is violence porn action madness. Bring eyedrops to get the gunpowder smoke out of your eyes. Leave the women and children at home and hunker down in that movie seat and hold on to the armrests. The Expendables starts in real time and stays in real time, from the opening hostage situation to the final battle, with very little in the way of flashbacks or reveries or any such thing. You will enter a world of make-believe, yes, where the gun is (sadly) the conflict resolution tool of choice and the cops never show up no matter how many clips you empty on the street in the city during rush hour.

Don’t let your moral considerations keep you from seeing Mickey Rourke (who apparently never bathes), Jason Statham (now, he has charisma, and ought to do a “real” dramatic role), Sylvester Stallone, and a bunch of other rather fugly, hairy-chested action hero types (including Stone Cold Steve Austin and Jet Li) just thrash about in a well choreographed orgy of car chases and lead flinging. Does art imitate life or does life imitate art? Sly Stallone likely doesn’t care, and most of the audiences that see this movie won’t either. It will entertain most people, even though we all might spend a moment wondering when watching killing and mayhem became such a pervasive form of entertainment, and does that account, at least in part, for our crazy violent American homeland.

At the very least, this is high grade killing and mayhem, with many beautiful explosions, such as the scene where Stallone and Statham incinerate a whole column of men and vehicles on a dock on a South American island. Kill the bad coke dealers. Kill the evil South American dictators. Kill them all, and let God sort them out, as the old mercenary t-shirt reads. If you don’t like killing, stabbing, stomping, burning, exploding, and punching, then stay home. It is all ok here, in the world of the male id, everything except hurting women. If you hurt women you are a bad man. This point is made repeatedly and ridiculously in the film. Kill 42 people, but don’t hit a lady. OK. Fine. That does seem a bit hypocritical, but it is apparently part of the rather dim-witted world view of the director (Stallone) and writer (Stallone) that we don’t hurt women and we mercilessly kill all the soldiers, dictators, and rogue CIA coca merchants. Quite simple, really. Simple and ridiculous and abstract and surreal, like Waiting for Godot or Alice in Wonderland with automatic rifles and C-4. Sort of. Though, all in all, it is a well made movie, with excellent pacing and the requisite gooney one liners.

The female lead, rebellious daughter of dictator General Garza, Giselle Itié, is beautiful, and possibly the only pretty thing besides the scenery in the movie. Sorry, boys. In a strange attempt to inject some historical currency into this story she is water-boarded to extract her secrets toward the end of the film, don’t ask me why, when everybody else is just beaten up for the sheer joy of it.

The film has an unexpected cameo. No, not Bruce Willis or the Ahnold; it is the A-12 automatic shotgun, occasionally shooting mini-grenades that obliterate people is horrible geysers of blood. (Yuck.) (While, like Bruce Willis and Mr. Schwartzenegger,it is not credited, it would have received higher billing than the Ahnold, this is that kind of movie.) I imagine it has a bright future in Traumawood.

I won’t ruin the plot for you. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Like I could. Everybody dies horribly except for the mercenaries. Mickey Rourke has a reverie where he muses that even though he has killed more people than the black plague, he could have saved his soul if he had just saved this one innocent woman. Everybody gathers back at the tattoo parlor to throw knives and wait for the sequel. The End.

Kevin Bolshaw

Despicable Me tells the story of Gru, a criminal mastermind out to get himself back in the spotlight as the ultimate villain. It turns out Gru has some competition in the form of another villain named Vector who’s the up-and-comer as far as new, hip villains go. Gru’s plan to put himself back on top involves stealing the moon but he finds some hurdles along the way when Vector provides some opposition. Gru finds it necessary to adopt 3 little girls as a way of combating his arch nemesis in a plot to infiltrate Vector’s fortress and steal back the shrink ray he needs for his moon caper.

Unexpectedly to him, Gru becomes attached to the little girls which throws a curve ball into his plans for world domination (isn’t that always the case?). From there, Gru has to comes to terms with his newfound desire for fatherhood while still appeasing his partner Dr. Nefario and the evil minions that serve him.

Good stuff! The film is well written and while predictable, you don’t really care since this film is primarily set up as fun family fare (which it is). The dialog and interaction of the characters is clever and well constructed and the confrontations between Gru and Vector are enjoyable in a cartoonish way. There are definitely some laugh out loud moments in here.

The 3D design and animation are pretty typical of what’s out there. Overall, the art work is great and as far as the animation goes, the roller coaster sequence is a hoot.

The talent does a fine job with the likes of Steve Carell, Jason Segel, Russell Brand, Julie Andrews, Will Arnett, Danny McBride and Jemaine Clement all lending their voices to the characters.

Check out Despicable Me!

reviewed by Sean McKnight

Snoop Dogg’s Hood of Horror follows in the serial styled footsteps of the movie Creepshow and the TV show Tales from the Crypt (which gets a nod in the theme song) with 3 stories rolled into 1 collection. Each story is tied together with Snoop serving as the devilish host as well as some anime segments in between to fill in some story gaps. The anime is really nicely done by the way, make sure you don’t go for the bathroom break during those segments.

The individual stories themselves are fun and cheesy as you’d expect from a movie like this with a bit of a tongue in cheek attitude not to be taken too seriously. The first story features revolves around an artist seeking revenge on local gang bangers only to fall victim to her own acts in an ironic twist of fate. The next segment involves a group of veterans that is brutally taken advantage of by a ruthless landlord that gets his just desserts. The final installment features a rapper who’s out of control ego ultimately leads to his demise (Kanye West anyone?).

The writing is average with no surprises and the acting is ok overall but downright bad at times. It seems as some of the actors were phoning this one in or just goofing around having a good time. Then again, they’re not trying to do The Exorcist here – this one is purely for the fun of making a horror film – bad acting, cheesy effects, and some corny story lines are all part of the good times. The cheesy effects are especially fun – I mean c’mon, death by falling on a 40oz. malt that drives through the guy’s head! It doesn’t get any cheesier/better than that, right?

There’s some pretty good names in here acting-wise with the talents of: Snoop Dogg, Ernie Hudson, Billy Dee Williams, Jason Alexander, Method Man and Aries Spears (from MAD TV) included among others.

All-in-all, I wouldn’t bend over backwards to see this but if you happen to be up late at night and there’s nothing else on, it’s worth checking out on Showtime.

reviewed by Sean McKnight

I just caught this again recently and wanted to write it up for the blog, so here we go…

Mark Wahlberg plays Izzy, the singer of a local tribute band that covers his favorite band named Steel Dragon. The story is supposed to be roughly based on Judas Priest, who went through a situation similar with their singer (Rob Halford) when he left the band; they filled the vacated slot with a singer from a Judas Priest tribute band. The story of Rock Star follows the same premise.

Once Wahlberg is in the band, the story turns in more of a sex, drugs and rock and roll direction with a behind the scenes view of the women, the tours and the over the top lifestyle so many people have dreamed of through rock and roll. Of course the ultimate destination of this lifestyle doesn’t turn out so well and drama ensues. The relationship between Wahlberg and his girlfriend (Jennifer Aniston) is put to the test through the process of them dealing with events that are consequence of the formulaic rock star lifestyle.

All-in-all a pretty well told story and entertaining to watch. It’s a bit typical with no surprises but is still worth checking out. The ending is a bit cliche’ but is pulled off well.

The cast does great in their roles and includes Jennifer Aniston as Izzy’s girlfriend, Timothy Spall (Peter Pettigrew/Wormtail from the Harry Potter films) and the rest of Steel Dragon including: Jason Bonham (son of Led Zeppelin drummer John Bonham), Jeff Pilson (Dokken, Foreignor), Zakk Wylde (Ozzy, Black Label Society) and Dominic West (300, HBO’s The Wire), the only other actor in the group next to Wahlberg.

The music is a large part of the experience and includes a healthy dose of heavy metal / hard rock some of it even sung by Mark Wahlberg who does a great job with the vocals surprisingly. I say surprisingly because during some of the behind the scenes footage, Wahlberg complains about metal and mentions how much more he’s about hip-hop. Personally I’d take his vocals in Steel Dragon any day over Marky Mark (seriously dude, Marky Mark? Really? Let it go.).

reviewed by Sean McKnight